I'm EMpty with out you..

November 07, 2007 .. A night that i won't forget and changed my life once again.. You know why? Because it's a special day for someone. A day where she came into this world gracing with her smiles. Oh yea, Belated Happy Birthday.

"My first love is her. She's every breath that I take." I never thought I would think of that phrase again but once again my heart never ceased to amaze me in playing with my emotions again. Even though I said to my friends that I already forgot all about her, I still think of her every night when I see that "Winnie the Pooh" clock near my bed which she gave me as a present. Every time I see the hands of that clock move every minute I think of it that "Every minute that passes by , is every minute i miss her and want her back in my life" as long as that clock ticks my heart will beat to see her smile once more and love her more and more. I know that I'm too late to try again but it's better to try than to lose her completely. I may not be the ideal man for her but she's the ideal woman for her. For some time now I felt there's something missing in my life , a hole in my heart, like a dictionary which has no meaning inside. Without her I'm nothing.......and i'll do everything to let her know that I still have feelings for her, a feeling which never left my heart.

As a start to show her how I really want her back in my life.. On her special day.. I gave a rose which has not opened yet. That unopened rose means that when the time that the rose has opened I hope your heart has opened to love me too. As hours passed by I tried to draw her face so that even though I won't able to see her for a long time I still have that drawing of her face as a memory. It took me hours just to draw it and try to perfected it but I guess it was a failure.

I'm thinking of her right now as I make this post. She's everything to me, she's my life.. I'm Crazy for this girl. and I hope she knows it by now.

A Letter to my Angel

Here's a letter I've always wanted to give to her..


"Hello, how are you doing? I've been fine..What about you? I hope you're doing alright..never did I imagine writing this letter 'coz my I'm too shy to show you what I really feel..well anyways, I just want you to know that this christmas is one of my special season, and this year is even better becoz I have you by my side..I never thought knowing you would be this great. after all this time that I've known you it never crossed my mind that you will be one of my special someone that I could cherish for the rest of my life, and I thank God for that, for that special gift he gave me. I'm so helplessly vurnerable of our situation right now, 'coz I don't have the guts to tell you how much I love you, but nevertheless loving you from afar hurts so deeply. but beyond that, i've got this feeling of hapiness that wenever i see you smile i feel relaxed.

-To my Angel

Regrets

This story strucked me.... I just want to post this so that you could also read it...

10th grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called"best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.
She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.


Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read:
I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!
I wish I did too... I thought to my self, and I cried.
I Love You

Broken Pieces

Have you ever experienced the things I posted last time? Having a crush on someone and eventually falling in love with her inch by inch every day..

Well If you did, you could feel the pain I gone through when I learned something about "Her"...
Last week I thought I already found the person who could make my life worthwhile and comfort me when I'm in stress..But I guess..I was wrong again..

I found out that she had a boyfriend..well, that's not new for me..but I just want to let out my feelings through this blog..

After a while.... I felt okay about that... I said to myself maybe she's not the one for me..I guess..but we shall never know..because only time will tell right?

After I thought I was ok with that... I saw something yesterday after my class.. I saw her bf... Something went inside my head... I don't know what I felt that time.. but I do know it feels like hell..

I guess this is enough for now... I can't think properly..

De Luckiest Thing Happened

It's been quite a while since I last posted and I had a crush on some one..hehe
My crush is from my class..hehe can't say her name or in what class because she might read this..heheh
All I could say is that she's really pretty and has a cute voice..Every day I see her just makes me fall in love a lot faster.. but I guess I could never have her (as usual).. I'm returning to my old self again.. having a crush and being afraid of talking to her.. but last week was different.. I had the courage to talk to her not only as a classmate but also as a friend.. That's the only time I really felt happiness inside me since 3rd term of my frosh days...

There are many ways to describe her even though I only knew her for a short time.. To describe her physically is she's really cute especially when she doesn't tie her hair.. Her eyes are like the pearls that shines when struck by sunlight.. Her smooth skin (I'm not sure cause i haven't touched her) is like a strand of silk... Now you know why I have on her..

Her personality is no different from mine.. She's a Happy-go-Lucky girl.. She's always smiling too..Like she has no problem.. Well I guess this is all I could say about her for the mean time.....

Now, the only thing I could say that she's only a star for me.. A star which I would always try to reach just to be happy.. but it's just a dream right? but could you blame me for trying?

Why?

Why did belle fell in love with the beast?Why am I so unfortunate to make someone fall in love with me?Why?Why?Why am I loveless?Why am I like this?

A simple question of "Why".. I don't know the answer to some of them but what do I know is that I'm unlucky in finding love..

Another question of why is.. Why do girls like the guy who has looks rather than the guy who is not good looking but faithful to them?..Why is it always like that?

These are true questions which runs through our minds when we are jealous, envy or even frustrated to accept that they don't like us..

Why does it always have to be based on the outside appearance?Why?Why is it unfair for some people that wants to be loved but cannot because they don't look cool or handsome? Why?Why?

We Should think Why these things are true and exists...

Waiting...

This is my latest blog in weeks.. I've never updated because I was waiting for my Fairy Tale to begin but it still isn't..

I'm Waiting...waiting... and still waiting for someone or something to happen..

How long do I have to wait for her?Do I have to wait until the rivers doesn't flow anymore...or wait until I graduate...

Am I waiting for someone? Or Am I just fooling myself..

If I'm just fooling myself..then I'm so stupid to wait for her and letting my emotions get over my head..I've never felt this way..A feeling that I want to break free..For this feeling has kept me in chains for too long...However, even if I'm just fooling myself I would still wait for her to realize that I'm still waiting for her and to get one more chance to prove to her that I Love Her..

I know I'm wrong to wait for her..But you can't blame me for trying...Am I right? If you where in my shoes what will you do? Would you sill wait for him/her eventhough it will take a long time? Or Forget her and move on but always on your mind thinking of her..........

What will you do?